Sunday, March 14, 2010

2010'Q1 Has Come and Nearly Gone

So my first month of The Year of Body was simply AMAZING. I couldn't have asked for anything better in fact. First, I realized just how horribly out of shape I'd let myself become. Next, I found how quickly my body responded to regular exercise. And by the end of the first month, between the yoga and the Bollywood dance class, I was pain free. No stiffness, no back pain, no (well relatively no) joint pain, and I felt younger. That was fast! I was able to skip my weekly back massage for several weeks becaus I just didn't need it. It was WONDERFUL. Notice the past tense in that last sentence?

So the next month, the yoga beginner's class completed. On the last day of class, the instructor, apparently trying to give us a good dose of reality about the "other" more strenuous forms of yoga, put us through our paces and I ended up pulling my lower back midway through class. Did I stop? Of course not, because I'm a dumb-ass. I worked through the pain, making matters worse.

So after my week of recuperation, I find myself unable to go back. I bought the unlimited monthly recurring package. But, nope, I haven't gone, not even once. Pretty disappointing. I feel bad about it too, but that's not enough to get me to go. Maybe I'm afraid that I won't cut it after the last class ... could be. Either way, I'm not going and that's a bummer.

Then my Bollywood dance class. Again LOVED it. By the end of the first month, I could touch my toes again! Not only that, but I could BALANCE and not fall over during every warm up. It was so much fun too. Again, past tense. Seeing any trends??

So the class was 4 weeks. I renewed for another month, and went, but my friend that invited me to this class didn't. So I was there with a bunch of women that I didn't know but was still trying to make a go of it. I was disappointed in that the class only lasted 4 weeks and in the new class you started with a totally new dance routine and never got to learn the whole routine for the song/music from the last class. I'm all about completion and this leaving a dance half done didn't sit well with me. Then I had to miss a couple classes due to conflicts, and I knew that I'd missed so much of the choreography that I wouldn't be able to follow and catch up on my own, and since I didn't have any friends that had learned the routine that could help me, I just stopped going.

So what have I learned about myself, in this first quarter into my Year of Body? My body definitely needs and loves this type of activity, and it responds very quickly to it. The physical changes have been amazing and I feel so much better. But, I am also a mental creature, and my mind appears to need a social obligation of friends expecting my participation for me to continue doing this sort of thing after the novelty has worn off. Also, I seem to respond better to a class where I'm supposed to go to every class, this opt-in thing provides flexibility, but I take that as an invitation to skip out...consistently.

Yes, of course I'm disappointed in myself. I have the time to do these things, but I don't. Even KNOWING I love it. I remember the last couple dance classes, having this great disdain before class, and then after class thinking "I am SO glad I came to class!" It doesn't seem to matter. So how do I go about finding friends that want to do fun physical activity? I really don't know.

I love dance, yoga, tai chi, walking, hiking and a lot of other stuff. I just need to find a group of people or even just one or two people that love the same types of activities and can or are willing to commit to do it weekly, or most weeks. Unfortunately, I have not a clue how to find such a group or such a person, particularly since I'm a bit of an acquired taste personality wise. Being a "bull-dozer" ain't easy, I tell you!

I thought walking the dogs would be in this same vein...they develop expectations and beg to go for a walk when I arrive home from work, if I do it consistently for a week. But even they are not equivalent to a friend's obligatory guilt-trip for showing up.

I don't like feeling bad. And I do feel bad, not physically...yet, but emotionally about this situation. I've found success and yet still failed. How stupid. It's my own fault and I'm well aware of this which only makes me feel shittier.

So on the upside of this whole situation, I do know that if I can find new classes to take that involve physical exercise, I'm likely to stick with the first full session at the very least if I find it enjoyable in the slightest. But finding a group that likes to go do fun physical stuff is apparently the ultimate goal in my case.

If you have any suggestions of where I might stumble upon such a group or people, please post a comment. Thanks!

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